Saturday, March 5, 2016

End. Beginning.

I realize, I have never been good in anything in my life. Not a specific skill that I can truly master. It is quite depressing.

I love to do a lot of stuffs.

Music. Photography. Read. Organize (I am surprise this doesn't come first). Sleep (who doesn't, huh). Hiking. Fitness - gym, yoga, pilates etc. Travel (almost miss this out).

For your information, I did spent roughly two minutes to think the above statement. They does not come naturally. I think to think them through. My point is, finding own passion is not easy.

Back to my first point. I am not close to good in any of these, much less call myself expert. Except sleeping. At this point of life, I am still searching for who I really am, what I really want to do, and my life ultimate goal. I have been thinking lately, if I am to teach or coach somebody, what would it be? I do not have an answer.
My life is a huge mess right now. I hate the wake up every morning thinking what I should do with it. For what I know, I do not have passion for my job. I want it to quit, but I have not figure out how to finance my life without it. I do not want to sound pathetic, but it is.

If I have been good at something, I think it is studying, or should I say getting good academic result. It is an Asian thing, everyone here judge you based on your academic result. Your personality, your future, your everything is judged on how good you are academically. Expectantly everyone think I have good future because I scored straight "A" in my SPM. My dad was proud, my family was proud, I was proud back then. Not so much until I figured out I have nothing special in my back pocket except for a useless skill called "ability to achieve good academic result". Stepping in to the adult world, the so-called ability has less and less effect of doing me good. Not in corporate world, where social skill is more important. Not in financial world, where creativity proves to be super valuable.

The end is the new beginning

I guess that part of my life has ended. I need to prove to myself and the world I have something better to offer.

Not going to reveal anything more now. Till next time.


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  3. This passage is quite meaningful to me honestly,
    I feel the same, not good at anything, but please don't be too sad for that mate!
    As long as you still have passion for doing many different kinds of things, so do I.
    We have a good condition of body. We can do whatever we want, we like!!
    Keep going!! I am sure you will find how wonderful your life can be later.