End. Beginning.

I realize, I have never been good in anything in my life. Not a specific skill that I can truly master. It is quite depressing.

I love to do a lot of stuffs.

Music. Photography. Read. Organize (I am surprise this doesn't come first). Sleep (who doesn't, huh). Hiking. Fitness - gym, yoga, pilates etc. Travel (almost miss this out).

For your information, I did spent roughly two minutes to think the above statement. They does not come naturally. I think to think them through. My point is, finding own passion is not easy.

Back to my first point. I am not close to good in any of these, much less call myself expert. Except sleeping. At this point of life, I am still searching for who I really am, what I really want to do, and my life ultimate goal. I have been thinking lately, if I am to teach or coach somebody, what would it be? I do not have an answer.
My life is a huge mess right now. I hate the wake up every morning thinking what I should do with it. For what I know, I do not have passion for my job. I want it to quit, but I have not figure out how to finance my life without it. I do not want to sound pathetic, but it is.

If I have been good at something, I think it is studying, or should I say getting good academic result. It is an Asian thing, everyone here judge you based on your academic result. Your personality, your future, your everything is judged on how good you are academically. Expectantly everyone think I have good future because I scored straight "A" in my SPM. My dad was proud, my family was proud, I was proud back then. Not so much until I figured out I have nothing special in my back pocket except for a useless skill called "ability to achieve good academic result". Stepping in to the adult world, the so-called ability has less and less effect of doing me good. Not in corporate world, where social skill is more important. Not in financial world, where creativity proves to be super valuable.

The end is the new beginning

I guess that part of my life has ended. I need to prove to myself and the world I have something better to offer.

Not going to reveal anything more now. Till next time.

Looking back 2015

Hi

I figure out that I need to release some of the thoughts that are clouding my mind, hence the post. Lack of writing makes expression in words becoming more difficult, sometimes frightening and dreadful. I really do need writing therapy to help me cope with the recent uncertainty I have to face in life. Fortunately this spiritual realm has always existed, which i am glad, despite my forgetfulness.

Looking back at 2015

There are things that I am certainly proud of, and also things that drive me mad and eventually several sleepless nights. Certain aspects in life is too much to be asked for, which leaving questions whether I am all prepared to move on or leave. Two and a half years in the company, I doubt if I will ever get use to corporate world. Nobody loves corporation and 9-5 job, that I was told. However some people seems to know how to bend around and move upwards, much like morning glory. I hate that, for I am rigid and stiff. I am not comfortable with of unspoken rules of pleasing superior, and never will. Many a day I had spent on dithering about my life ultimate passion, as I no longer sure I will be happy to continue my career as an executive for many years to come, or will I regret one day at the older days. Poor overall performance and complacency of routine job prove to be motivation killer. Sometimes I wonder if I accidentally wear invisible cloak to the office. Twice my name went missing in department's role and responsibility, twice! It become so common that my superior forget to include me in any ongoing projects, it leads me thinking if the fault is on me. I should have done better.

Nevertheless I do achieve what I consider as a major improvement in my life. The fact that this year alone I have traveled out of country for three times, is a huge achievement as I have painfully little experience in travelling. I am most thankful for my friend who showed me the fun and joy of travelling when I was in Vietnam. The vivid memories of walking around downtown Saigon, finding hidden gems in foreign country, losing and regaining direction while navigating to local train station, spending money like it was almost meant to be, were some of the most memorable memories yet. It has broaden my mindset tremendously and spiked up my courage to travel abroad. Travelling to Western Australia and South Korea were no less enjoyable either, and I see more opportunities and inspirations coming.  

What I want for new year is

I don't usually make new year resolution. For me it is a self-pity way of making unpromising commitment. Evident? January gym has the most visitors that is. But this year I want to make a pact for my myself. Here goes the list.

• Travel more
• Read more books
• Venture into online business and stock market
• Eat healthier and more into fitness

I guess that's all for now. Till next time.

动笔

动笔 不需要情意绵绵

动笔 不需要多愁善感

动笔 不需要天马行空

动笔 不需要故事冗长

动笔 不需要为词强愁

动笔 是想写 就写 

Day 21

Sorry for failing day 19 and 20, yet again!

这两天生大病
前天右眼红肿
青青浓浓的眼屎不停的掉
眼泪也不停的掉
eyemore eyelotion 都不管用
早上醒来整个右眼被粘到合不开
好彩没有盲掉

昨晚胃痛
痛到手脚麻痹
吞了两粒胃痛药才好

最近简直祸不单行
一波未平一波又起
和死神差肩而过
咳

Day 18

I'm so sorry for failing the blogpost for day 15 and 16. I was away to Tok Aman Bali Resort for two days. Two splendid days.

Day 15 - Finally Unpacking